Headaches and Hope

Wow....these headaches are horrible. I've suffered from them my whole life so I'm quite used to the intermittent weekly headache. These are different though and last all day every day. My RE office doesn't want me to take any other medication other than that which I'm currently on. So, I've been suffering. The only thing that seems to help is sleep--which I've also really been wanting to do a lot of. I think it's a combination of the medication and remnants of jet lag. My next RE appt is Wednesday. I'm hoping they will bend a bit and let me take something to help ease the head strain.

In more positive news, I just found out today that my co-worker and his wife are pregnant. Normally, I wouldn't be as excited about this news. However, they have worked long and hard for this baby. They went through years of fertility treatments and nothing worked. They had resigned themselves to the possibility that they would remain childless. They have been trying for 15 years and are both in their mid forties and have never seen a positive pregnancy test. She is now twelve weeks along. Stories like these give me hope and I'm thrilled for them.

First Shot Down

The shots have officially started. I gave myself my first dose of L.upron this morning. Yesterday we got our final calendar and went over consents, meds training, etc. It seems as if I'll be getting my meds as needed--which I am a bit sad about because I wanted to take a picture of all the loot. I also got verification that we will be doing a fresh 5 day transfer. We're doing the cgh testing on day three. So, far I have  no side effects from L.upron (but it's only been a few hours and I'm on my first dose). I've read horror stories on other ladies blogs but I'm really hoping that I'm one of the lucky ones that it doesn't affect much. I go for my next appointment next week--when I will have my baseline ultrasound and our cycle really be underway.

I'm Back..IVF/CGH Prep Underway

I'm back from my holiday and I had a wonderful time! I'm looking forward to relaxing for a few more days, catching up on sleep, and catching up on all of your blogs before returning to work.

Our first (and hopefully only) IVF cycle is currently underway. I'm on day 7 or so of bcp and have my first appt/prep for Lupron appointment on Thursday. Looking forward to it but also extremely nervous. Retrieval is currently scheduled for July 15th and it will be interesting to see if my body sticks to that schedule or not. I believe I start Lupron this weekend--I have to drag out my ivf calendar again. If anyone who has been through ivf has any words of wisdom, I'm all ears.

Award and IVF update

First, I've received a blog award from Hopeful1 at Our Twisty Tourney Journey! Thanks!

Here are the rules for being awarded The Versatile Blogger Award:
1. Thank and link to the person who nominated you.
2. Share seven random facts about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 7 new-found blogging buddies. 
4. Contact the winners to congratulate them.

7 random facts.....

1. I'm scared of the dark. I can deal with it--but I don't like it. 

2. I was the lead singer in a band in college and I still love singing. 

3. I once had a pet rat. 

4. I have a younger sister and brother.

5. I've been playing the piano for 20+ years.

6. My favorite color is fuschia.

7. I grew up in a town with less than 500 people. I now live in a city with more than a million. 

Now I am to give this award to 7 people

1. Just a Girl at My Infertility Road

2. BrokenBirdsBees at The Broken Birds & Bees

3. Stinky at Beyond the Wallpaper

4. Lil Frenchie at An Empty French Womb

5. Lavonne at Our Wish

6. LisaSk at Wanted: One Good Embryo

7. BrownIris at The (In) fertility Diaries

Now for my IVF update. We are actually going to be starting...soon! I'll start bcp's while we are on our vacation. As long as AF comes on time then we're all set to start lupron within days of returning from our trip. So, crossing fingers that all goes well and tying up some last strings before taking off next week. 

A Little Progress

And may I say--it's very little. I headed off to the REs office for cd1 last week. They needed a pre-ivf ultrasound scan--which doesn't make much sense to me but whatever. While I was there we discussed getting me a calendar. The RE wanted me to start bcp now for a July cycle. I said no. I've read of people being over suppressed by being on bcp too long. So, we agreed I would start them with my June cycle. We then discussed timing. My only constraint has been that we start after July 1st because my health spending plan renews then. The office has known this for a couple months. Apparently they failed to tell me that the lab would be closed at the end of July/early August and that the RE would be on vacation the second week of August. So now due to my (funny, right?) time constraints it is looking unlikely that the ivf cycle will happen in July. They want to push it to August--which is horrible timing for me. I work in education so August is one of my busiest most stressful months at school. Sigh... So, September? They are still looking at my calendar and are supposed to get back to me sometime soon--hopefully before I leave for vacation. Meanwhile, the insurance issues still aren't worked out. No one is able to give me an accurate reflection of how much I will have to pay for this (including the insurance company). Insurance (while amazing) is just so frustrating. I have to call them back today to discuss.

Other than the above, I'm trying to plan for our vacation. It will be really great to get away for a few weeks. Of course, I always worry about our dogs--we have a housesitter coming to take care of them. But, this vacation is greatly needed. I've also been doing really well on my diet/exercise plan. The only positive to ivf getting pushed back is that I'll have more time to get in shape.

Hysteroscopy Report

So, I had my post-op appointment today. Basically, I'm right back to where I was before the hysteroscopy. They found a little bit of weird tissue and removed it. It was polypoid in nature (or something like that). However, they don't believe that this would have had any affect on my getting or in my case--not getting--pregnant. Sigh..Nor do they have any idea as to why I would get pregnant three times in one year and then not get pregnant at all the following year. I'm really not sure where to go from here. I was hoping that this surgery would provide us with a reason.

Does anyone have any information on weight and ability to conceive? That's the only thing I can think of...as discussed here before multiple miscarriages, fertility meds, etc have caused me to pack on probably 30 pounds. I'm still within my bmi range and everything else blood pressure, etc is perfect. It's just the only other thing that's different. This weight should be easy to lose but I just have no motivation. I think its a combination of feeling sorry for myself and being pissed off at my body for betraying me. I need to do it though. I'll kick myself if I don't do everything possible to make sure ivf is successful. If only I didn't love food so much.

I also still have no idea what is going on with ivf/pgd. I am to call them next week when af arrives. They hope to have more information for me then. It is apparently extremely complicated when dealing with my insurance and pgd. I'm hoping by next week at this time we will have a concrete plan in place (a girl can dream, right).

Finally, I survived my sister's baby shower (made easier by the fact that I didn't have to physically be there). It went well and she got a lot of great presents. She's happy--so that's a great feeling.

Hysteroscopy Complete and Blogger Award

My hysteroscopy yesterday went well. I was in and out pretty quickly and had minimal pain. I have, however, had more then the "spotting" they indicated may happen. It was more like a light af yesterday but seems to be tapering off today. I've not yet heard what the results of this procedure were. I have a follow-up appointment at my REs office in two weeks and apparently that is when I will hear how the procedure went. Because I am a genetic mutant, I did overhear the nurses saying they removed some polyps. They assumed I would still be out but I processed the meds extremely quickly I guess. I heard comments from all 3 nurses that they've never had anyone so alert, ready to walk, etc immediately after surgery. Apparently I was the fastest discharge they've ever had. So, yeah--possibly polyp removal. It really wouldn't surprise me and would make me feel validated in pushing for this surgery. They can definitely cause implantation problems.

I also found out a bit more about financing for ivf/cgh this summer. The clinic is still unable to tell me exactly how much I will need to pay. As I mention earlier, I am the guinea pig for insurance coverage of cgh at my office. So, they aren't sure how to bill, how much to bill, etc. Earlier I was told that I would pay no more out of pocket then $2k for ivf/cgh. Who knows now...If it gets over the $5k range Mr. F and I are going to seriously discuss whether we want to go forward or go straight to ivf with donor egg. It's about $10k in the czech republic and the success rates are a lot higher then they are with my eggs.

Now, onto my blog award. Jo at Love That Moves the Stars awarded me with a stylish blogger award.The Rules are:

1. Link back to the person who gave you the award
2. Tell 7 things about yourself
3. Award other bloggers - The Stylish Blogger Award is to be awarded to 10 - 15 people.
4. Notify winners 

I'm going to give this to: 

Articia  Diary of a Mad Infertile Woman  (Please also send her your love and support as she is in the midst of a miscarriage)
LisainSk  Wanted One Good Embryo

Manny The Journey Continues

Stinky Beyond the Wallpaper

BrownIris The (In) Fertility Diaries

AP My Dusty Uterus

Shannon Chasing Rainbows

Adele Delinquent Eggs

Frenchie An Empty French Womb

Mary Hoping For A Miracle

Seven things About Myself

1) I own two dogs. We love them to pieces and treat them like babies. 

2) I have terrible eyesight. It's like -13 (to those of you in the know). 

3) I have two post bachelors degrees and am currently working on my third. Yes, I like school--a lot. 

4) Yesterday was the first time I've had surgery. (Besides removing my wisdom teeth which apparently doesn't count)

5) I like running, soccer, and surfing. 

6) I read, a lot. I tried to keep track this past year how many books I had read. I went about 9 months and had over 150 books on the list. 

7) I am a huge foodie--probably a lot of the reason I need to lose weight! Mr. F and I like to frequent restaurants that are considered "worlds best". I'm not a food snob though. I enjoy the simple things like hamburgers, pasta, etc as well. 

Happy ICLW!

It snuck up on me this month. Welcome to all of you from ICLW. My ttc history is on the left. It's not a very pretty story. We will be heading towards ivf/cgh this July after several unsuccessful IUIs. This month it's officially been one year since my last miscarriage---and I've not had one confirmed pregnancy since then. So, next week I will be having a hysteroscopy to make sure there's not something that's causing any problems. If anyone has any advice/stories to share about the procedure, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Other than that, I've been married for almost 9 years. We have two dogs that are our children. I love reading, soccer, and running--though I need to do more of the last two to burn off all this unable to have a child related weight game. Looking forward to meeting more of you.

Interesting Week(s)

So, in order to proceed with IVF I had to have an up to date yearly exam. So, I made the appt and trudged off to the doctor. (I had been consciously putting this off--I think because I'd already had enough poking and prodding there). While there my doctor found lumps on both of my breasts. So, I've spent this last few weeks worried about the outcome. I'm happy to report that the lumps are nothing--just my normal tissue. I wasn't really worried at all, at first. I have no family history, I'm young, and I don't have any other risk factors. Could it happen, sure...but for some reason I was calm. That was, until the few family and friends I told did their best to assure me that it would be nothing. They all used the phrase "the odds, statistics, etc". It was after their reassurances that I started to be concerned. I've had really, really crappy odds this last few years. I found out I'm a genetic mutant in two ways (bt and a rare heart issue). I also am on the wrong side of miscarriage statistics. Finally, however, I seem to be on the right side. I'm hoping this is a turning point.

While the above was going on, I also had my phone appt with the genetics lab. Everything is looking great. We will be using cgh and will be looking at all the chromosomes (not just for my bt). I don't have to have a probe built so they are ready to go. It's amazing how much technology has improved in just a few short years. I also found out that they've found for bt carriers that about 20% of embryos are normal. So, now I just have to hope that my RE is able to get a lot of embryos out of me. I'm still working out all the financial details but I'm just crossing my fingers that everything is going to fall smoothly into place.

In the meantime, I'm busy planning our trip and trying to keep my mind off of words like ovulation, dpo, etc. If it happens, it happens. If not, we've got ivf to look forward to.

Progress

So, we're getting there. We've nailed down July as our official IVF start date. Our RE should be calling us sometime soon to set up a calendar. They've also been in contact with the pgd lab. Though, it seems like we will actually being doing cgh. I think they are still trying to determine what exactly will be the best method to deal with our bt. I'm excited, nervous, fearful--pretty much every emotion. Of course I really want this to work but am so scared that it won't. On my worst days I think I should just say screw my eggs and go straight to donor egg. Then I talk myself out of it and decide it's really worth trying with my own eggs.

There's been a lot of stuff going on lately with friends and family and some of it has been really bothering me. I've had to listen to my sister complaining about her baby shower--she's upset that people aren't getting her things off her registry (or expensive enough things). It's really hard for me to bite my tongue during these conversations. I had a friend who was pregnant (accidentally of course). She chose to terminate and told me afterwards. So, I've been helping her through that. The b.itchy part of me thinking--wtf world is everybody going to pregnant except me. There's more but I don't share it on my blog, yet.

Back to ttc news, my hysteroscopy is going to be next month. It got delayed as there were scheduling difficulties. I'm not sure what I want the outcome to be. If they find something it'll make me feel like the last 12 months make sense. If not, then I'll worry something else is wrong. Most of the time I wish I had the ability to see into the future (maybe only for ttc events). I never know if I'm making the right decisions.

Au Naturale

My first natural cycle in a long time has been going great. I ovulated on day 14 (a first for me as I'm usually only able to do this on drugs). I'm now patiently waiting until test day. I can't help but hope that I'll get a bfp this cycle. There are so many stories of ladies doing cycle after cycle with REs/drugs and no results. Then, when taking a break their body does exactly what it's supposed to do and they go on to have a child. Wouldn't that be an awesome story?

In other news, I'm busy planning our trip to Asia. It's generally keeping my mind of ttc and that's a good thing. We are planning to go to both Malaysia and Thailand. I've not been to either so I'm pretty excited about checking out some new places--though a bit worried about the language barrier.

I've also sent out all the invitations for my sister's shower. I'm pretty much done with my responsibilities now and my mother is taking over from here. I'm glad I was able to do this for her even though it was emotionally pretty difficult. I'm not sure when we will get back to see her and the baby (she's due this summer). I'm sure that will be hard as well but for some reason my heart hasn't been as heavy lately. I think it's because I know that this will eventually work out for us. Someday we will have whatever child we were meant to have.

Still Here

I haven't heard anything from my REs office yet. Have to say that I expected this. I thought about calling but decided against it. I will go in for surgery next month and I'll ask then. If they haven't spoke to the genetics lab yet then I'm telling them we are waiting until July. This is for a couple of reasons. First, we are going on vacation to Asia in June and I'd prefer (when this works) not to be only a few weeks along at this point. Second, my health savings account plan starts over on july 1. So, I could use pre-tax dollars to pay my insurance co-pays. I'll let you all know soon what I find out.

I went to accup. yesterday and apparently there is a huge change in my pulses. We're speculating that this is because my body is currently drug free. I also ovulated either yesterday or today (according to cb.efm) on cd 14 or 15. This is a huge improvement for me as previously I was ovulating around cd 23. I'm excited to see what if any changes will be made to my luteal phase this cycle.

Other than that, life goes on. The break from drs appointments has been wonderful and I'm happy to not have to try to fit drs appointments around work and life.