About our Journey

Currently I'm in 2ww limbo. As you can see from the sidebar I've been pregnant at least four times, none of which ended well.

Mr F. and I got married young (I was 22). We lived in a small town (no longer thank goodness) and had a couple friends who were also married and had children. It was at their encouragement that we decided to try for one of our own. I was lucky and got pregnant right away. However, around 7-8 weeks I went to the ER because I was bleeding a lot. I was really naive in that point of my life and thought everything was going to be ok. When I found out I was miscarrying, I was devastated. The ER dr put me on 3 months of birth control and told me when I finished them we could start trying again. After those 3 months, Mr F and I both decided we wanted to wait. I think mostly because we were scared and still hurting. This decision was definitely the best for us at the time. It allowed us both to do things that would have been made much harder with a child. It also gave us time to grow up.

Fast forward and I'm 29 years old. Mr. F and I were still wavering over whether or not it was a good time. I think, however, that somehow I knew we were going to have problems. Everyone told us after the first miscarriage that it wouldn't happen again, many first pregnancies fail, etc...but I'm not sure I bought it. I distinctly remember a conversation where Mr. F was explaining his worry about having a child 9 months from now (he was in the midst of his graduate program). I remember calmly telling him that it could take up to a year to even get pregnant. Imagine my surprise now when it's been almost two years of trying. I'm glad we didn't wait any longer then we did. I'm 31 now and no baby in sight.

It's been a really trying time for us. Recently going through three miscarriages in a row and now having a hard time even getting pregnant again. The bt diagnosis is not an easy thing to deal with. It still stabs my heart every time someone on a message board says something similar to "thank god our karotype tests came back normal". It's a reminder to me that I have something wrong with me that no one else wants. Yet, I keep plodding forward. The only other option is to give up and I'm definitely not there yet. I have so much respect for you ladies that have been at this longer then me. I used to think there was no way I could keep at it (just like I thought I'd never be able to go through a miscarriage again after the first one). Your perspective changes when all you want is to be able to hold your baby.

Treatment for me now consists of fertility drugs and IUIs. We don't have any male factor problems but our insurance covers IUIs (we are very lucky that we have great insurance right now) so our RE recommended we use them. The hope is more eggs=one good one. So far, we're not having much luck. Our RE can't seem to get the dosage right. This cycle I ended up with one egg--not exactly what we were going/hoping for. I keep at it though because the regime has been successful for other bt ladies and because I'm doubting that when we move (probably within the next year or so) that our insurance will cover these treatments.

There is hope for me, however. Even with this crappy diagnosis ladies are succeeding. Recently the blog world has exploded with happy news for ladies with chromosomal issues. I'm so happy for each and every one of them. It gives me hope and a reason for continuing. Someday soon I'll hopefully be writing about my pregnancy.