Delayed Again

I feel like every post of mine for the couple of months has included the words delayed or cancelled. Because Mr. F and I have decided we are not going to let this rule our lives....we have been busy planning trips and vacations for the fall. Of course, ivf was supposed to be done twice by now so little did we know these trips would affect what is still our first shot at ivf. Sigh... Well, my body has decided not to cooperate and ovulate when it's supposed to and has now delayed the October cycle. We are looking at November now. I'm starting to feel like this just might not be in the cards for us. It's just been one thing after another. All I can think about is all these months we've wasted on treatments. Maybe, if we hadn't went this route, we would already be pregnant naturally. Instead I've been in a constant loop of various hormones and bcps. All of which have done nothing for me but make me gain so much weight I look like a small whale. I guess there's really nothing I can do at this point except wait. Wait for the next AF to start a new cycle tracking and then wait for the AF after that to hopefully start an ivf cycle in which my body will actually cooperate. Hopefully this will all be done before the holiday season so that my life can get back to some semblance of normal.

Onto Try #3

I'm off for vacation for a few days and wanted to post quick before leaving. I've been terrible at commenting on your blogs--but I've been reading. I'm going to try to catch-up today.

Not much has changed in my world. I was a bit worried about the timing of ivf try #3 but it looks like it's all going to work out. I will hopefully ovulate while on vacation and will start my next ivf cycle in the middle of September if all goes well. In the meantime I'm on my constant diet and trying to lose some of this ivf/meds/infertility chub. I really, really hate dieting but it's definitely beyond the point of wanting to lose some weight and has headed into need to lose weight. Hope you're all well.

Cancellation #2

It's almost enough to make me laugh...About 10-13 follies today. They were right on the cusp so my RE wasn't sure if I should trigger tomorrow or Saturday. So, she recruited the other RE to discuss. Long story short a discussion was had about cancelling this cycle and trying a new protocol (no more l.upron or b.cp). Apparently I have lots of follies but they just aren't recruiting. I guess this can be an issue for some people on the long protocol. So, after discovering that insurance will cover the meds (hallelujah), I talked a bit more with my RE and decided to put the brakes on and try this again. She doesn't think we'll do worse and obviously hopes that we will do better. So, once again I'm almost there....and then we stop. I have to go through one tracked natural cycle which will happen next month. The next step and stims are a bit more foggy. Mr. F is going out of town in October and it's looking like his vacation may correspond exactly with when the RE would need him to be here. So, we may be looking at November. We will see how it all plays out. Disappointed but not as much as last time. I want this to be the best possible stim as it may be our only.

And My Response Sucks...

My E2 level yesterday after 3 days of stims was 410 which I didn't think was too bad (better than last time). The RE had me up my dosage though which worried me (I am now on the max my clinic allows). So, I was apprehensive to see what my follie response would be today. It's not good--it may even be worse than last time. I had 11 on the right (none bigger then 10 only 4 which she measured) and 5 on the left (only 2 which she measured). My lining is a dismal 4.3. Sigh....I'm so, so disappointed. There was no talk of cancel this time--probably because I've already used $5k in drugs. Of course, I'm stressed to the max though because few eggs=small chance of there being a normal one that develops correctly. I also don't understand how an antral follicle count as strong as mine can elicit such a crappy response. So down right now.

Here Come the Stims

Had my cd 2 ultrasound and bloodwork and we're ready to go. 22 follicles today (11 on each side)--this is better than ivf #1 so I'm hoping this means good things. They have majorly increased my stim dosage. Last time I was on 175 F.ollistim and 75 M.enopur one time daily. Now I will be on 200 F.ollistim and 75 M.enopur 2x a day! They've more then doubled my dosage. I'm a bit nervous about this...but going to trust that they know what they're doing. Hoping I get a lot of eggs this time and somewhere in there are some good ones!

Cyst Be Gone...

It is, hooray! Finally things are going right. I have 9 follicles on the right and 12 on the left. I stop my bcp tomorrow. As long as AF shows on time stims will start Thursday.

Ruptured Cyst

I had my first appointment for IVF 1.5 today. Of course, there is a giant cyst on my right side. Apparently it is cloudly--indicating that it has ruptured and is going away. So, I was started on my favorite drug (haha) L.upron today. I will head back in on Friday to see if the cyst is gone and if I can stop bcp. The RE did not seem concerned but of course, I am. We are once again on a very tight schedule. I scheduled a visit to see my sister's new baby when I had thought that ivf would be complete in July. So, if the cyst is still there then we may be delayed yet another month and I may have started L.upron for no reason. Sigh..

Cycle 1.5 (or something like that)

Is starting today! Well, kind of. BCPs are starting today. Lupron will start next week and stims on August 11th. I'm excited but really nervous about version 1.5 turning out like version 1.0. In other fabulous news I get to use the RE I actually like (the one I don't will be out the entire time)! Hope this bodes well for things to come.

Then there were 8....

But still no IUI and I am clearly now the problem patient. Sigh. I got the trigger shot and am to call back with my next af. I'll then do another baseline ultrasound to see if (or how many) cysts I have from this go round. I really wish this RE didn't have my money so I could break up with him.

Cancelled.

Sigh..Between 12-14 follicles ready to go (some over ready to go). My left side still isn't doing crap. So, the RE cancelled. He wants a better response. The IUI is a no go--because I have too many follicles. I argued, it got me nowhere. I'm going in for the hcg shot on Thursday to get rid of all of these. Then waiting for AF. Then back on the pill. Potential new retrieval at the end of August, though this may not work with my schedule. So, maybe September. Sad, disappointed and frustrated.

Our Plan

Thanks so much for all of your advice yesterday. It was greatly appreciated. A common theme seemed to be that we should just go with our gut and do what we think we can live with...so that's what we're going to do. Last night Mr. F and I decided that "we will" be converting this cycle to an IUI if necessary---unless there is some medical reason why we shouldn't proceed. Just "not wanting to get me pregnant" is not enough of a reason for us. Yes, I have crappy eggs....but I also went thru multiple IUI cycles at this same clinic before proceeding to ivf. Nothing has changed since then. Since a new ivf cycle wouldn't fit into our schedule until October it seems reasonable not to waste the eggs I've made and give it a shot. Plenty of ladies with BTs hit the genetic lottery and maybe I can be one of them. Of course, we also decided that we are going to nail them down on will or won't insurance cover this. Insurance has had no problem covering my IUI/injectible cycles before (they have no cap). So, I'm not sure why this time would be different. I think my RE just isn't very familiar with insurance and coverage--that is left to the business people. I'm feeling a bit better now. Of course, I'm hoping the above is moot and I'll get to my appointment on Monday and my left ovary will have decided to get in the game. For those that asked, yes my meds have been increased. I started at 175iu F.ollistim/75 M.enopur and I'm now at 300iu F.ollistim and 75iu M.enopur. Apparently those are some pretty hefty doses for someone my age and with my antral follicle count. Which then makes me wonder if maybe I was oversurpressed?

Cancel or Not? Need advice.

Really needing some advice from any ivf "in the know" folks. I had my first ultrasound today (I've done stims 4 days now) and we saw 9 follicles on the right (about 4 measurable and all under 12) and 7 on the left (only 2 measurable and both under 10). Apparently, this isn't a great response so I got the dreaded cancellation talk. My RE wouldn't tell me one way or another whether or not I should cancel. Apparently he believes I will get about 16 follicles at this point...he would prefer 18-20. They were so worried about me hyperstimming that they used too low of a starting dose---this is the only thing he would do differently the second go round. Obviously I'm ticked....and depressed. I've seen ladies with my antral follicle count get 25-30+ eggs on the interwebs so it's depressing that I'm looking at 16. If I had normal chromosomes, I'd be ecstatic...not so much with my crappy eggs.

I currently have $2500 of meds in possession (and have used a lot of them). The RE said if we cancelled insurance may cover them--but that was a very unlikely may. So, if we cancel I now have to pay them $2500 for meds plus $2000 for a new cycle and then get to start this crap all over again. I know for those of you that don't have insurance that this seems like very little to pay--but my dilemma this entire time has been donor eggs abroad vs. ivf with my own eggs. We decided to do ivf with my own eggs first because we could process so inexpensively. With the extra $2500 tacked in this cuts into our donor egg budget (back-up if this doesn't work). Our new cycle wouldn't start until October. As far as converting the current cycle to an IUI--the RE is against it. We don't want to get me pregnant with my crappy eggs. So, this would all be a waste of time, money, etc. Right now (since I'm already paying for the meds) we've decided to keep stimming until Monday and then go back and see if there is any progress. Beyond that, I'm just at loss for what to do...any advice would be greatly appreciated.