Follistim it is

All follistim, yea! No more crappy clomid to wreck my lining. I'm doing 75iu until Monday and then in for a follie check. Very thankful that my insurance covers the medication because it would be $900 without the coverage. Yikes.

We're leaving for vacation tomorrow. We're heading to Vegas to eat our hearts out. I'm a little worried about taking the meds on the plane but I think I've got what I need. I just have to find someplace that will give me ice for my pen. Speaking of keeping follistim cold--I was never told that I needed to do this before. So, last cycle the meds were room temperature. I'm hoping this didn't cause any problems. Oops.

My sister was supposed to meet us on this trip. Unfortunately her and her husband not able to come because of her extreme morning sickness. So, it'll be just me and my husband. A nice little vacation with just the two of us. See you all when I get back.

I Love my Family but...

I lied to my mother yesterday. I told her that we had decided to take a break for awhile. I told her I was thinking about going back on birth control. I told her then I wouldn't have to worry about whether I was pregnant or not every month and I could quit being disappointed.

Yesterday, I actually felt this way. I seriously was considering throwing in the towel. After getting a faint BFP and immediately starting to spot red blood afterwards, I just wanted to give up. There was no hope left in my heart.

I actually regret telling our families that we were going through this process. I know they are trying to be supportive but it makes me feel like s.hit every cycle when I get to tell them it didn't work again. Not to mention my mom loves her platitudes "all will be well" and really those kind of comments just make me angry. My family is convinced that now that my younger sister is pregnant (and apparently not cursed with genetic anomaly I have) that it will be my turn soon as well. I just need to keep trying--again could club them. I think it will be easier on me if they all think we've given up for awhile. I can cry on my husbands shoulder every cycle this doesn't work and not have to relay the details to my sister and mother.

I hope I don't sound too heartless. I really do love my family but right now they really aren't helping. I am trying to be supportive of my sister (who has hyperemesis) but it is so hard. Being infertile really sucks.