I Hate This Part.

Because I enjoy torturing myself I poas yesterday and today. That would be 9dpo (11 past trigger) and 10dpo (12 past trigger). I got faint, faint lines on my internet cheapies each time. I'm beginning to hate internet cheapies. While they are nice because they are cheap, they seem to everything month give me a faint line right until AF shows up. I can't decide if this is 1) because I'm having chemical pregnancy after chemical pregnancy and my eggs are just that bad or 2) if they are evaps.

I know it's early and most people don't get bfp's now but I've tended to get positives around 11 dpo. So, I'm going to wait until tomorrow, test again and then call it. I really hate the in between. I just want to know yes or no and move on. I want to stop taking these gross progesterone suppositories.

It has been a long time since I've been pregnant. Every month I think this one has to be it and everything month I get the same thing, AF. I'm starting to think there might be something else wrong with me. In the past it has taken us 2-3 months to get pregnant. This will be cycle 6 without a positive. It's frustrating to know that numbers wise I need as many pregnancies as possible to catch a good egg and then not be able to do that any more. 

I've been debating back and forth in my head what I'm going to do if I go in next week and have another cyst. I think I've decided we'll be taking a month off from all of this. Clearly it's not working anyways and I really don't want to go back on bcp for two weeks to try to shrink a cyst again. Sigh. Just feeling kinda down today.

How do You get Rid of Stress?

One of my promises to myself this year is that I would work really hard to be less stressed out. Apparently being type A adds all sorts of stress to your life. So far, I've been doing rather well. I've been to weekly acupuncture appointments, used aromatherapy, am trying to get regular exercise (including yoga), and am eating healthier.

Then this week happened. The week from h.ell. It's the first week of school so I'm back in class (I also have a full-time job). I'm slammed at work and not sure I'll ever dig myself out of the pile of work I have. Slowly, slowly I've felt the tension creeping back into my neck and shoulders. I've had no shortage of people tell me "if you'd only relax" in regards to our pregnancy troubles. I'm trying to heed their advice. Not because I think it will work and that it's the cure all to all of our genetic problems. Instead, more because I know that constantly being stressed isn't good for more overall health. So, dear readers do any of you have any go to solutions? Do I just stop caring so much about doing my best at my job, and at school, and at home (easier said then done). Do I leave the housework completely to Mr. F (I wish)! If you've got any ideas my stressed out body would love to hear them.

PS--Even though I am a POASaholic I am happy to report I haven't even considered it yet. I'm trying to hold out until Saturday.