November 18, 2012


Not so much with the baby, instead with the job search. Moving across country entailed finding a new job. I am the primary breadwinner (for now) so, the pressure is on. May I just say, job searching sucks! I did not think it would take me this long to find something. Especially now that we are in NYC. I am just finding that I am either overqualified or underqualified for everything (according to interviewers). I am getting interviews. I have had six, in fact (not including second and yes, third interviews). I can apply for nearly the exact position at two different places and one person will think I'm missing experience and the other person will think that I will be bored. It is terrible and awful and I am really getting worried for our future. It isn't like I can just find any job either. Childcare is upwards of $15 an hour here, so it has to be something that is worth me going to work. I guess the flipside is that I get to spend more time with PJ....which I am loving.

PJ is doing great. She has discovered her hands and spends most of the time with them shoved in her mouth. She is making a lot of noise and loves bathtime. She's also getting big! She was 12 lbs and 23.5 inches at her 12 week appointment. I can't wait to see how much she has grown at her next appointment. Overall, she is an extremely easy to take care of and happy baby. We got really lucky. Cloth diapering and bfing are both going easier then expected as well. I have been thinking a lot about giving her a sibling and how we are going to go about doing this. I don't want it to happen any time soon but I think me and Mr. F came to the agreement that if we didn't get lucky naturally by the time I hit 36 (2.5 more years) then we will really sit down and figure it out. I can definitely say, however, that I want to give PJ a sibling. I am loving every second of having her with us. It's seems a bit crazy to consider next steps now...but it took us 3 years to get her here.

October 10, 2012

Birth Story

We knew after our 40 week appointment that PJ might be coming out whether she wanted to or not. My blood pressure was creeping up and I was given the red jug to take home. When I returned to the doctors office 2 days later my blood pressure was still high (about 140/100). I also had elevated protein in my urine (I was about 3 points over the cutoff). So, my doctor told me to have some lunch and head to the hospital. I would be induced that day. Mr. F and I took our time having lunch and finishing last minute things at the house and then headed into the hospital.

I had hoped for a natural birth but that plan quickly went out the window. When I got to the hospital I was told that I would get a dose of miso. I have had to use this medication before and wasn't thrilled with the option but that's the only one I was given. After the dose was administered I was then told water labor was out of the question. I would need to be hooked up to machines to monitor my blood pressure. My labor progressed rather quickly. My contractions went from non-existent to less than a minute apart. I had no way to relieve the pain (I wasn't allowed to get up and walk around/no labor tub/etc). After my water broke the pain was excruciating. So, I opted for the epidural. I was never staunchly against the epi but I had hoped the water labor, walking, etc would help delay or perhaps prevent the need. Without these things available for pain relief, there was just no way. It took the nurse 4 tries to get the epidural in and I was left with a large bruise on my spine for a few weeks--but it worked. Immediate pain relief. The epi was turned off before I got ready to push, I wanted to feel that and it seemed to work.

I actively labored for about 21 hours. I never needed any pitocin. Once my water broke, my body did what it needed to do. I pushed for 2 hours and PJ was here. She was born with a full head of hair (which she still has) and spent the first hour of her life on my chest. It's been wonderful thus far and we're so happy to have her.

October 7, 2012

My return (aka we finally have internet again)

Wow, I've let way too much time pass in between posts. I still owe a birth story (and I will get that up). I also need to catch up on my blog reading/commenting. I have a good excuse for disappearing. There was the baby, then the moving (which consisted of a 12 hour flight and a 20 hour car ride), then the moving in (nightmare), and finally the unpacking and setting up. We just finally got the internet to start working.

We are doing well here. PJ is 8 weeks old now (crazy)! She gets cuter and more human like every day. She just took her first bottle yesterday--she wanted nothing to do with them before then. So, I may actually be able to return to work at some point here. We are settled in NYC and I'm currently job searching--which is awful--nothing like six years ago. Other than that, just enjoying PJ. It is remarkable how much she changes from week to week.

August 16, 2012

She's Here!

Baby PJ was born on August 11, 2012 after 27 hours at the hospital. I'll share more of my birth story later. She was 8 lbs 6.9 oz (though I'm sure the massive amounts of fluid I was given helped that number). Her head is huge 91st percentile. Birth was an experience and not what I wanted or how I envisioned it but I'm happy with how it turned out. PJ is adorable and we are spending our time just getting to know her. I promise to share the whole story soon.

August 10, 2012

Induction Time

Continuing with my pregnancy tradition, I have borderline protein in my urine. The cutoff is 300 and I'm at 315. So, I'll be heading out in a few hours here to start the induction process. I'm hoping it goes well, though I'm aware my plans for no pain medication may go out the window. Will update you once PJ is here.

August 9, 2012


PJ still hasn't made her entrance. It's making Mr. F and I very nervous. Mr. F is supposed to be on a plane on his way to NYC next Friday. So, we were hoping for earlier instead of later. I've been watching those on my blog role who were due after me give birth before me (congrats ladies!) and it's been tough. I want Mr. F to have as much time with her as possible before he needs to leave.

I spent the day in L&D yesterday. I had a regular appointment in the morning and was checked and found that I hadn't progressed from the last appt (they checked me last time because I had someone other then my normal midwife). My blood pressure was high and my feet/legs still swollen, so that coupled with GD got me sent in for testing. At L&D my blood pressure still wasn't stellar (hovering around 137/93) but apparently that's good enough for them as I was sent home. I'm doing a 24 hour urine collection now--which I would be surprised if it showed anything. I've never had anything more then trace amounts of protein in my urine. I have a follow-up appointment with a Dr on Friday.

I was told at L&D that I won't be allowed to go past 41 weeks (which is next Tuesday). I'm hoping that PJ will make her entrance well before then. I really don't want to be induced but also don't like the possible risks associated with GD--especially since it seems they don't plan on doing an additional BPP to check for placenta problems like I thought they were going to do. My plan for the next few days is to continue walking, eating spicy foods, and trying not to stress--while hoping for the best.

July 30, 2012

Still Waiting...

Almost 39 weeks (2 more days according to the drs office). I'm not surprised at all. Statistically speaking I know I'm likely to go over 40 weeks. I am starting to hope she comes soon though. Our schedule for moving  is regimented down to the last second. PJ delaying her arrival (past one week overdue) will delay plane tickets and Mr. F's departure for orientation. So, we are really hoping that she decides to come before then. 

Here's my complaining for the week--so skip if you don't want to hear it. I'm also in considerably more pain then before. I'm certain that the stress of moving and physically helping to move household items isn't helping. However, the bigger the baby gets the more the joint pain increases and the harder I'm finding it to move around. An hour long walk around the mall is about all I can handle these days and I hate it. I don't like feeling like I'm unable to do things...and that's currently how I'm starting to feel. 

Otherwise, things are going really well. The GD is firmly under control, still with diet only. I rarely have a number that is over and if it is it's usually by a few points. My exams have all been great--no cervix checks here though so no idea if I'm progressing--and PJ is measuring on track. I have another exam today, so hoping I see the same results. 

July 19, 2012

Almost there.

Yesterday marked 37 weeks (according to my drs office). I've been going through the normal testing and at this point everything is looking good. PJ has apparently decided, however, that she will not be coming out anytime soon. She is still high up with no signs of dropping. I'm fully expecting to go 41 weeks. Though, I hope she will come on her own before then so that I don't have to be induced. Pitocin seems as if it will throw off any delusions of a natural birth. Yes, that's my birth plan so far. Well, it's more of a see how it goes and stay flexible birth plan. If all possible, however, I would like to give birth without drugs. I also plan on using the labor (not birthing) tub at our hospital. I really like water and I am hoping it will help me a lot with pain management. Crazy how real this is getting now.

In my spare time me and Mr. F have been furiously packing up our apartment. It's a lot of work to move from one side of the country to the other. We are hoping to have everything done/sold within the next week or two so that we are both able to relax a bit before PJ comes. Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am--quitting my job, moving, having a baby, looking for a new job--but I think my response that I'm just crazy is a bit more accurate.

June 15, 2012

Meds and Other Things...

What does everyone do with their leftover meds? I've been holding on to them because I was worried I might need them again. However, as we get ever closer to PJ's arrival, I'm finding myself a lot more confident. I've got 4-6 doses of menopur, an unopened bottle of PIO, 10 or so Climara patches, and 8 or so vials of crinone. And, I don't know what to do with them. What has everyone else done with theirs?

Mentioning meds, I found out that I have GD. I'm super borderline which makes me feel a bit better. So far, so good on the GD diet. All of my numbers have been within target--without meds. So, I'm hoping I'm one of the lucky one's with GD and can stay away from additional meds or insulin. I've spoken at length with my Dr's office about how this will affect my pregnancy. Right now, they are hopeful it won't have any affect. I'm measuring on track and they won't force induction unless something changes and/or I need to go on insulin and it affects my placenta. So, that gives me even more impetus to make sure I'm following the dietary recommendations.

I've been really busy the last few weeks. I'm finishing up two classes for my degree. So, I'm out the door at 7am and don't get home until about 9:30pm. I've only got 2 more weeks though, so I'm hoping I can continue and push through to the end. We are also working on packing and getting all of our stuff moved out of our apartment. We are headed to New York City shortly after PJ's arrival. So, there is much upheaval in our household right now (and no cute nursery updates). Anyways, hope you are all well. I look forward to having more time (ha!) to catch up.

May 29, 2012

Time flies...

I'm already almost 30 weeks! My next goal is 32 weeks and then I'm just going to focus on getting everything done before PJ decides to arrive. I've been crazy busy trying to finish the last 2 classes for my masters degree. I leave at 7am for work and don't return home until 9:30pm. My classes are 6 weeks long and I still have 5 to go. I've begun counting down already.

I may or may not have GD. I failed my one hour and got to go in to take the lovely three hour. I rushed in last Wed morning wanting to get it out of the way--and begin diet/tracking if I indeed had it. Well, I get my results via computer and my midwife said no call means nothing to worry about. My results were confusing. I failed the fasting (before the drink by 2 points). I failed the 1 hour but I passed the 2 hour and 3 hour. My test results say that you must pass 2 after taking the glucola drink--which makes me think I've passed. However, dr. g.oogle leads me to believe I failed. There has been no call from my midwife's I took things into my own hands and emailed her. I'm still waiting for a reply.

Other than that, I am just moving along. Pregnancy has been pretty kind to me and I hope that trend continues. PJ is really moving in there now and Mr. F has been able to feel her a few times--which is really awesome!

May 9, 2012

First Shower, Defenses, a BabyMoon, and 27 weeks

Time seems to be going by very quickly. I hope that continues to be the case when I am at the end and just wanting to meet this little girl. We have been extremely busy which certainly is helping this pregnancy speed by.

We had our first baby shower last weekend. It was hosted by a close friend of mine and she did a fabulous job. She hand made all the decorations and they were adorable. We got a sea creature theme (Mr. F studies them). About 30 friends and family were there to celebrate and they were extremely generous. PJ now has many new outfits, blankets, books, diapers, and toys. Now, I just need to sit down and get the thank-you cards written.

In addition, Mr. F is now officially Dr. F. He finished his graduate degree and he is finally back to normal. It's been a stressful couple of months for him and you could visually see the stress lift from him after he finished his defense.  I am almost done with my graduate degree. I have 2 more classes to finish this summer before PJ comes.

We have also booked our babymoon. We will be doing a tour of all the major Hawaiian Islands. I've been to many before but there are still things we wanted to do on each of them. So, off we will go the first week in July. I am very much looking forward to my last bit of relaxation.

Finally, I'm 27 weeks today. 28 weeks is my next milestone. So, almost there. I am feeling really great. I have no major complaints. I have a little carpal tunnel (I think) in my hands and sometimes my back is sore...but otherwise I am functioning completely like normal! I know there is still time to develop the awesome things (like hemorrhoids) but so far, so good.

April 24, 2012

Cloth Diaper Overload

I have a very serious problem. Well, maybe two of them. First, I am a bargain shopper. I love finding things I want, on sale. Shopping for PJ has been a blast. For instance, I knew I wanted a BOB. So, I watched and waited for months and got it for a great price. I also knew that I wanted to cloth diaper (for a variety of reasons). If any of you cloth diaper, you know how many great prints are available. I think I may have went a bit overboard. I may have bought 14 BumGenius Elementals and Free-Times this weekend (don't tell my husband he only knows about 8 of them). That is in addition to the other 29 diapers that I already have (in various brands/colors). In my defense, BG just came out with some adorable new prints/colors (The CornfedFeminist is also talking about this) The Albert print is perfect for us with Mr. F being a scientist so that was a must purchase. Also, they were discounted most places at 25% off. That being said, I think I have enough cloth diapers for awhile. That is, until I discover another great print....Cloth diapering is a very dangerous addiction.

April 18, 2012


My ticker may say I'm one day away, but my dr's office says today is the day. I'm so relieved. Another milestone met. Though I realize that things can still happen, I still feel much safer having hit this point. I can exhale a bit more.
The pregnancy is still going well. I really have nothing to complain about. I've had some pretty brutal pelvic pain but the chiropractor seems to be helping that. Yesterday, I freaked out for a few seconds and almost convinced myself that I was having contractions. I kept feeling this rhythmic feeling and at first I thought it was PJ kicking. However, after it kept going on that's when I started worrying....until I figured out it was the hiccups (or at least I think it was). So, cool.
In moving's looking more and more like it is happening. We will be headed to NYC a few short weeks after I give birth. My husband will head out first and I will spend a few weeks with family before heading there. It's our hope he can find a place and get settled a bit before the baby and I head over. We are fairly certain we will be living in Brooklyn. Now, it's just finding a place. The easy part, right!?
We will also be having our baby shower soon. We have a lot of friends here that will be taking off for the summer. So, the hostess decided to throw it a bit earlier than expected. I'm excited though and am sure it will be a ton of fun. I promise I'll try to update more in the future. Hope you are all well.

March 22, 2012

Movement and a Great Book

So, I have anxiously been awaiting PJs first kicks. Over the past few weeks there were a couple times when I thought I may have felt something. However, I was not completely convinced. The last few days it has become unmistakable. It's the craziest feeling. It alternates between feeling like a little bug under my skin and when I assume PJ is flipping--like I just took a crazy dive on a roller coaster. I'm loving it. This is something I was really looking forward to. I'm a little worried about what it is going to feel like when PJ gets bigger but I think I am ready for it.

I also just finished a really great book. What.Alice.Forgot.  It's a chick-lit book about a women who forgets about 10 years of her life after an accident. That's not what hooked me though. Instead, the story about her sister, a fellow infertile, is what really drew me in. I had no idea that it had anything to do with infertility and found myself crying throughout much of the book. It was so well done though and very realistic. I kept thinking either the author has went through this herself or someone very close to her had told her their deepest secrets regarding IF. I highly suggest the book.

In other news, we are still deciding where to move next fall. We will make a decision by mid-april. I'm nervous, excited, and all those other emotions that go along with making a huge move. We've done it twice now though, so at least I have a small idea of what we are getting ourselves into.

March 13, 2012

It's a Girl

Well, we know for sure, for sure now. We had our ultrasound with the MFM doctor yesterday to check all the organs, blood flow, etc. I am extremely happy to report that everything is perfect. We were offered an amnio but declined. With cgh, excellent NT results, and a great almost 19 week scan we are feeling good. PJ (the babies intials) is currently weighing in at 8oz. Everything is measuring right on track. Next milestone, 24 weeks.

March 7, 2012

New York, New York?!

So, up until now I've been very careful to keep this blog as anonymous as possible. I mean, I'm sure family and friends could probably figure it out if they tried hard but in general I talk very little about my life. Now that I'm the P word, I find it's hard to come up with blog topics that aren't related to what I'm currently experiencing. Quite frankly, I don't want to spend all my time regaling you with tales of weight gain and gas. So, I'm going to slowly start talking a bit more about my life outside of IF. Hence, the blog title.

So, New York what does this have to do with anything? Well, we very likely may be moving there. Said moving would occur 3 weeks after my due date. Can you say eek! Added to this, we currently live about the farthest geographic distance away from New York possible while still being in the US. Can you guess where I live? I am so excited and nervous and multiple emotions. If anyone lives there/has lived there and has suggestions for where to look for housing or neighborhoods, I'm all ears. My husband will be attending school in Manhattan and I will need to find a job. We are seriously considering living outside the city in order to have a bit more room and save some money. Big changes are a coming.

March 2, 2012

Update and PAIL

Long time, no blog. I've been incredibly busy and keeping up with everyone else's posts has taken up the majority of my time. I'm taking 3 classes this semester so that I can finish my degree during the first summer session. It's looking more and more like a baby may actually be happening for Mr. F and I, so I'm trying to tie up loose ends.

We will likely be moving shortly after I give birth (crazy, right!!?) We are unsure if it will just be across town or across the country. Mr. F is finishing his doctorate and will be on the hunt for a job. I'm a little stressed not knowing where we will be living...but I'm trying to deal so Mr. F can keep his sanity. That's the big news in my life. Otherwise, the pregnancy continues to progress. I haven't felt any movement or anything yet, which I am most excited about.

Additionally, I am so excited that fellow bloggers had the brilliant idea to start PAIL. I'm loving it so far and have already found lots of new bloggers to follow.

February 10, 2012


I've been meaning to write this post for awhile. In some ways, I feel extremely lucky. Finding a genetically normal embryo and actually having it grow into a baby--really, incredibly lucky. I also am lucky enough to have a career that I enjoy and to be able to have the freedom to travel and pursue hobbies. On the other hand, I'm not so lucky. I got saddled with infertility, a balanced translocation, one good embryo out of 19, and multiple miscarriages.

Before I started down this road, I thought Mr. F and I would have 3-4 children (though he always said 2). Now, I'm not so sure. I'm incredibly blessed that so far ivf has worked for us and that we had insurance to cover the costs. Even though this pregnancy hasn't even provided us with child #1 yet, I am already considering how we are going to provide her with a sibling. We have no frosties, so that's out. I also don't see us being willing to spend the money for ivf on the gamble that we find what is likely one of my few remaining normal embryos. So, we're back to donor something--which we are both more than happy to proceed with. It's just odd to think how differently our family will end up growing...all because of one genetic mutation.  I also feel like I'm not really out of the trenches. I remember before thinking....if I just was able to have a child then I could leave this behind. I no longer believe that. The fight for #2 will be just as hard as the fight for #1. I feel incredibly lucky to even be in the position to contemplate #1 and my heart hurts for all of you out there still waiting to get to that point. I guess, I just feel differently now then I thought I would feel. Time, perspective, and all of that.

January 28, 2012

NT Scan

I had my NT scan yesterday and am happy to report that all is normal. The MFM dr. said he doesn't think we have anything to worry about and that I should enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. I am so, so hoping that he is right. I will go back at 18 weeks for another scan, where they will specifically be looking at the heart and other organs.

Upon this news, we decided to go ahead and tell the rest of our friends and family. I wasn't shy and told everyone that we went through ivf and that we had only one normal embryo out of 19. Everyone has been really excited for us which has been great. Other than that, I'm doing well. The fatigue is lifting and I'm starting to feel like my normal self again.

January 18, 2012

And I can Relax for another Week

I had my ultrasound today. Baby is doing well. She is now measuring 1 day ahead and I'm officially 11 weeks. Apparently this is also the date my OB will be using because they don't care about ivf dates and instead use LMP. The baby was extremely active and it was really cool to watch. I also finally got a stomach ultrasound! Now I can relax until my NT scan......

January 16, 2012

Where I'm at Now

As you can see, I've changed up my blog. I added a ticker (I was a little worried about doing so) but I always hate going to someone's blog and trying to add in my head where they are currently at in their pregnancy or ttc history.

As far as the pregnancy, I'm feeling pretty good. I've had a few random times where I've thrown up. I'm actually starting to think it's because of my prenatals--I recently switched. I'm also starting to feel less tired then I was previously. So, so far so good. I had my first appointment with my midwife last week. I was pretty underwhelmed. I guess I expected a little more depth to the appointment but it was basically me peeing on a stick to confirm pregnancy. This week, Wednesday, I go back for a dating ultrasound and next week I will go in for my physical (I'm hoping this appointment will be a bit more substantive). I've scheduled our NT scan for the end of the month. So, lots of exciting and terrifying appointments coming up.

I find myself not really remembering that I'm pregnant most days. I only start to get nervous and anxious when I have an ultrasound appointment coming up. So, I'm feeling pretty nervous right now. I guess I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't wait to get out of the first trimester. Even though I know it doesn't remove all risk, it's a milestone I'm looking forward to passing and I think my anxiety will lessen a bit. Have I mentioned I'm extremely type A--that probably doesn't help either. I also just ordered a doppler. I've used it once and I think I found a heartbeat. I hope it will be reassuring in the weeks to come.

Other than that, not much is new. I started classes again last week so I'm extremely busy again. This is also my busy time at between that and school my days are pretty full.

January 6, 2012

9 weeks 1 day and Graduation

I had my 3rd and final ultrasound with my REs office today. The baby is still growing correctly and is right on track. I got to see arms and legs this time and even got to watch her kick--it was beyond awesome.
Also awesome will be weaning off the PIO and estrogen. I don't really get to start until another 1.5 weeks but then I will slowly be decreasing my dose until stopping completely at 12 weeks.

I have my first midwife appointment on Monday and am looking forward to meeting her. Up next will be the NT scan. It'll be weird not having another ultrasound until then.