I've been meaning to write this post for awhile. In some ways, I feel extremely lucky. Finding a genetically normal embryo and actually having it grow into a baby--really, incredibly lucky. I also am lucky enough to have a career that I enjoy and to be able to have the freedom to travel and pursue hobbies. On the other hand, I'm not so lucky. I got saddled with infertility, a balanced translocation, one good embryo out of 19, and multiple miscarriages.
Before I started down this road, I thought Mr. F and I would have 3-4 children (though he always said 2). Now, I'm not so sure. I'm incredibly blessed that so far ivf has worked for us and that we had insurance to cover the costs. Even though this pregnancy hasn't even provided us with child #1 yet, I am already considering how we are going to provide her with a sibling. We have no frosties, so that's out. I also don't see us being willing to spend the money for ivf on the gamble that we find what is likely one of my few remaining normal embryos. So, we're back to donor something--which we are both more than happy to proceed with. It's just odd to think how differently our family will end up growing...all because of one genetic mutation. I also feel like I'm not really out of the trenches. I remember before thinking....if I just was able to have a child then I could leave this behind. I no longer believe that. The fight for #2 will be just as hard as the fight for #1. I feel incredibly lucky to even be in the position to contemplate #1 and my heart hurts for all of you out there still waiting to get to that point. I guess, I just feel differently now then I thought I would feel. Time, perspective, and all of that.
I've been thinking about #2, too. You're never done with infertility, it seems.
ReplyDeleteGeez how out of the loop how I've been. I didn't even realize you were pregnant so I quickly scanned your blog and caught up. Congrats! So happy for you! I wish I had your insurance for sure! I don't think we'll ever be to stomach the cost of IVF with PGD unless we win a lot of money...
ReplyDeleteAnyways!!! I am so happy for you! I just recently cleaned out my subscriptions so I could focus on the people that post stuff I actually want to read so I'll stay more updated on you now :)
Keeping you in my prayers <3
I know...the treadmill just keeps going round and round...sorry you feel this way. I hear ya!
ReplyDeleteSorry you feel this way. Struggling with infertility is so unfair!
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how feelings can shift. I'm in the mindset that you sound like you were once. I think I could be happy with just one child, even though I always wanted two or three. Leaving the infertility battle behind is so appealing, isn't it? But I can understand how perspective can change.
ReplyDeleteI had always assumed that we would have 2 children, but since I'm 37 and am finally pregnant only after IVF (like you, thankfully the insurance covered it) I doubt that we will be having another child. I am trying to make peace with that and to focus on the baby I am currently growing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog! I am happy to meet a fellow August due date friend! I look forward to following you. :)
ReplyDeleteHey can you stop by my most recent blog post about jobs that cover IVF. I would REALLy appreciate it!!
ReplyDeleteThanks!!!
Lavonne @ *Our Wish*