September 11, 2010

One of Those Days

I'm having one of those days where I'm not sure if this is ever going to work out for us. I question how many more miscarriages I will be able to handle. How many more months of tracking ovulation, etc. I can mentally take. I feel strongly for you ladies who've been at this longer than me. Additionally, there are just so many things about this process that are annoying to me. For instance, I have ridiculously late ovulation. We're talking day 22-24 and I have only a ten day luteal phase. So, I feel that I spend most of my month just waiting to ovulate! And spend a ridiculous amount of money on fertility monitor sticks that continuously read low. Additionally, because I have a longer cycle then average I don't get as many tries as others during the course of a year.

As you may know, I'm getting older. So last night I was thinking if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant three more times in the next year that will put me at 32 1/2 with potential no children (I've seen ladies w/BTs with 8+miscarriages and no children). How much longer would I keep trying after that? Should I start looking into alternatives more seriously? These are all of the things I think about when I can't sleep and let the positivity drift a bit. Sometimes I wish we had started this process much earlier--but can't turn back time now. I at least have some satisfaction that we didn't wait as long as friends/family would have had us. So many times I got the so & so had her first baby at 37 and now she has 2 children. If I had waited until 37 I would have a much smaller chance of ever having a biological child... Now to break out of this funk.

1 comment:

  1. {{Hugs}} I have those days too. I hope soon that you dream comes true! Your in my thoughts and prayers!