Those two emotions should never go together. However, that's where I find myself today. Never did I think that it would seem to take so long to get to a first beta.
I really should back away from the poas tests. I took my original FRER at 8dp5dt and a new one today at 10dp5dt and the lines the same, I think. I wanted it to be darker--of course ideally there would be no control line because the test line is so dark. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. And so, I worry. RPL has taken away any semblance of normalcy for this pregnancy. All I can think about is when the other shoe is going to drop. No visit to the dr. in regards to a positive HPT has ended happily. Instead it's always been doom and gloom. Too low betas and declining numbers. Even the fact that I've had no spotting doesn't help to ease my mind. After all I'm on PIO, so its common to have declining numbers and not spot. Argh, stupid RPL. I know the worrying will do nothing to change the outcome and I'm so happy that I at least know a normal embryo can implant. Now, if only Sunday could get here faster. For those obsessive poas'ers I leave you with today's test on the bottom and 8dp5dt on the top.