December 2, 2011

Fear and Elation...

Those two emotions should never go together. However, that's where I find myself today. Never did I think that it would seem to take so long to get to a first beta.
I really should back away from the poas tests. I took my original FRER at 8dp5dt and a new one today at 10dp5dt and the lines the same, I think. I wanted it to be darker--of course ideally there would be no control line because the test line is so dark. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. And so, I worry. RPL has taken away any semblance of normalcy for this pregnancy. All I can think about is when the other shoe is going to drop. No visit to the dr. in regards to a positive HPT has ended happily. Instead it's always been doom and gloom. Too low betas and declining numbers. Even the fact that I've had no spotting doesn't help to ease my mind. After all I'm on PIO, so its common to have declining numbers and not spot. Argh, stupid RPL. I know the worrying will do nothing to change the outcome and I'm so happy that I at least know a normal embryo can implant. Now, if only Sunday could get here faster. For those obsessive poas'ers I leave you with today's test on the bottom and 8dp5dt on the top.

13 comments:

  1. If you can't quite be excited for yourself yet, is it okay if I'm excited for you???

    ReplyDelete
  2. Definitely darker. DEFINITELY! Hang in there. And may Sunday come SOON!

    Mo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am sure it's hard to be excited yet but I think you can at least feel a little better knowing that the test is positive!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It looks definitely darker to me. Just keep telling yourself that the RPL laws don't apply because you did PGD. Everything crossed still. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  5. It looks darker to me. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Line is definitely darker!

    Baby currently passed out in my crib had a FRER BFN the day after the initial FRER BFP, so I was sure that I'd lost the pregnancy. (No HCG trigger due to frozen transfer, so that's not why... and it was a single embryo so vanishing twin would be very unlikely). I didn't, and went on to have a stupidly uneventful pregnancy.

    Peesticks are a qualitative test, not a quantitative one, in the first place... and what I took from my saga of BFP-BFN-BFP is that there's considerable variation among tests of the same brand.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I found it tough to tell if my lines were darker early on. But yours definitely looks promising! Hang in there until the beta. Fingers crossed!

    ReplyDelete
  8. 10dpt definitely looks darker!

    How bout you be excited for me, and I'll be excited for you?? :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I could have written this post. Verbatim. Rpl has DaMaGeD me and turned me into a LuNaTiC.
    Without knowing which was which at first, I immediately saw that you bottom stick was darker :-)
    GOOD LUCK! May this one finally be a take home healthy baby!

    ReplyDelete
  10. The second test is darker! It is completely normal to be filled with fear after all ou have been through! One more day til beta. You are almost there! Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Check my blog out, I left you an award

    ReplyDelete
  12. Looks darker to me! I hope this one works!

    ReplyDelete