December 21, 2010

Apparently I was Bad this Year

I went to the RE this morning and found out I have a cyst (15x20). So, I was given the options of birth control or sitting out a cycle. Obviously, both were very appealing. So now, I'm on bcp for two weeks and if the cyst is gone I will get to then have another period. Yipee! Can you feel the sarcasm.
I spent the last hour crying to my husband. Mostly because I am so f'ing frustrated with this process. Nothing can ever be easy or just go well. There always has to be some kind of drama or giant problem. The last 3 months of treatments with the RE have gotten us nowhere. The last two years of ttc have gotten us nowhere. No closer to having a baby then we were when I was happily on birth control to prevent (ha!) pregnancy. Oh wait, they have given me 30 extra pounds that I certainly didn't need.
2010 has really been a sh*t year. I remember in 2009 thinking 2010 has to be better. Boy was I wrong. So, now heading into 2011--should I be thinking that same thing? Can it really get worse?
I'm starting acupuncture after the holidays. I'm hoping it well help calm me down and reduce my stress levels. I'm also going to start taking care of myself. To me this means that I'm going to start running again. Is it bad for you while in the 2ww, maybe. However, not running hasn't helped me at all either. I'm going to lose the weight that I've gained after each miscarriage. Might losing weight screw up my cycles? Again, don't care see above. If I can't have a baby I should at least be able to feel good about myself and how I look.
We're also looking into IVF/PGD. The insurance company should be getting my paperwork soon. Apparently they will cover IVF but probably not PGD. We'll see.


  1. I hear ya! 2010 has been absolutely ridiculous! If 2011 is worse, I quit! (Ok, not really...)

    Here's hoping it's better for us all!!!


  2. Thirstiesgirl..... I am very sorry. I can feel your sadness and anger and I am very sad for you. I was wishing for the best for you this cycle. I know how you feel, I am living the same thing. I have learned to enjoy other things in life so I can keep going.......... still hoping that I have a chance to achieve motherhood someday.

    If your insurance covers IVF, maybe you could cover the PGD portion of it. I guess you will have to wait until you get the response. I cross my fingers for you.

    I know it is a hard time for you right now but try to enjoy your Holidays. I wish you a very Merry Christmas!!! You are in my prayers.