December 16, 2010

I Hate This Process

After staring at a stark white negative this morning, I've been a big old bundle of negative energy today. Granted I'm only 10 dpo but I can't help but feeling this cycle has failed as well. (It doesn't help when AF like cramps are happening--and I'm assuming it's just not here because the progesterone is stopping it). I'm feeling really down, depressed, and just dismayed at this entire process. Thinking about going through this again is just depressing. This was a picture perfect cycle great number of eggs, great lining, and nothing. I can't even get a chemical pregnancy anymore--at least then I would know something is going on.
Being the type A that I am, I started thinking today about where I want to go next. I think I've come up with a plan. On CD3 I'm going to let my RE know how disappointed I am. I'm going to ask that they put together a packet for my insurance company to see if I can get IVF/PGD covered. If this is a no (and it very likely could be) then I'm thinking about going with DE this summer. I'm actually thinking about doing this abroad--Czech Republic? Mr. F and I can't afford the $30k it'll cost us at my clinic and we can afford (albeit scraping it together) the $10-12k it will cost abroad. If anyone has any experience with this, please let me know. Your thoughts and input would be greatly appreciated.
Of course, Mr. F and I will continue with the COH process until we hear from the insurance company and probably until we pursue DE. It's also possible I'll change my mind. Right now though, I'm just feeling so over this process. I've never been overly concerned that our children have a genetic link (and neither has Mr. F). I'll also not have to worry about passing on my crappy genetics to a child--which is definitely a concern.


  1. Hang in there! I had definite AF type cramps starting around 8-9dpIUI and continued until I was about 8-9 weeks preggo! And 10dpIUI is REALLY early to get a BFP, so a BFN doesn't really mean as much now as it would at 15dpIUI.

    I've got my fingers crossed for you!

  2. I'm hoping this cycle will not turn out to be a BFN...but I do have some preliminary/research information with regard to CZ DE programs. DH and I were seriously contemplating care from this clinic...they were super helpful and very responsive

    Also, good luck with your fight to get IVF/PGD coverage.

    All the best...translocations SUCK!!

  3. Thirstiesgirl, I understand your disapointment and I am so sorry that you are going through this. I feel so empty every cycles when I pee on a stick and it is negative. All our buddies around us are having babies and getting pregnant, it is getting harder. BUT please don't give up. It could happen naturally also. It might just take longer. I have found a genetic disorder association in France who sent me some data about the couples that they see at the clinic and said that most of the couples end up getting pregnant by themselves.
    It would be awesome if you could get your insurance to cover IVF/PGD though. I don't think mine would, so that sucks, and it is out of the question for us.
    I am sure you are like me and you know your body by heart, but maybe the cramps you are experiencing are not your AF. So maybe you can test again in a few days and get a different result.

    I understand how you feel. If you ever need to chat, I am here.

    I wish you the best and I am sorry that you also have to deal with BT.