Second Ultrasound

I'm 8 weeks 1 day now and happy to report that my ultrasound today agreed. I'm measuring right on the dot. I got the better machine today so got to see and hear the heartbeat. It was right on track at 161 bpm. I go back next Friday for another look and have been told to schedule my appointment with my obstetrician. I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky I am but I think I'll save that post for another day. Happy New Years to everyone and may your 2012 be better then your 2011.

Heartbeat!

Wow, I actually am pregnant. I'm starting to believe it now. We saw a teeny, tiny smudge with a yolk sac and beating heart. We were using the offices crappier ultrasound machine (next week I'll get the good one) so our RE couldn't get an exact heart rate count. However, he said it's well over 100 and is super happy with progression so far. Obviously, I know things can still go wrong but for today, I'm pregnant and thrilled.

Ultrasound Today

I'll be leaving in a few hours. I'm really, really nervous. I have never had a good pregnancy ultrasound before. I've never seen a heartbeat. We should see that today. Of course I'll update as soon as I know the results.

The Slowest 2ww...

Time seems to be slowly ticking by until my first ultrasound on the 20th. I've never had a 2ww feel longer! I'm not really feeling much in the way of symptoms. A little food aversion and nausea here and there, some weird cramping/pulling, crying more than normal, bad skin (I blame progesterone for this), and tired. Other than that, feeling pretty normal which makes it harder to believe that I am the P word. I've been using up my internet cheapies and poas periodically when I begin to worry. Happy to say they are finally as dark as the control line--I'm guessing a FRER would be blazing by now. So, I think I'm done testing.

The PIO is a pain in the butt (literally). I finally understand now what you ivf ladies are talking about. Giant red itchy welts, check. My RE doesn't allow baths at all until first ultrasound which is unfortunate because I think they would help. I'm going to try the heating pad trick I've been hearing about online. Otherwise, just hanging out and reading all of your blogs. Hoping this week flies by.

Second Beta

My second beta just came in and it's 778! That's a doubling time of 41.82 hours. I'm so proud to finally be on the normal scale of things! I have never had appropriately rising betas

No more betas for me. My clinic just makes sure they are doubling appropriately and if so, you are done with the needle poking. My first ultrasound is December 20th. For now, I'm going to try to enjoy this pregnancy and try to remain hopeful that things will proceed normally. I am greatly appreciating all your good vibes and thoughts. I think it's helping!

First Beta Results

They are in and.............374! My RE is really happy with the results. I go back on Tuesday, I'll be 4wks 5 days then, for a repeat. Keep the positive thoughts coming! Thanks again for all your support. It is so reassuring to know that others have been through this.

Fear and Elation...

Those two emotions should never go together. However, that's where I find myself today. Never did I think that it would seem to take so long to get to a first beta.
I really should back away from the poas tests. I took my original FRER at 8dp5dt and a new one today at 10dp5dt and the lines the same, I think. I wanted it to be darker--of course ideally there would be no control line because the test line is so dark. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. And so, I worry. RPL has taken away any semblance of normalcy for this pregnancy. All I can think about is when the other shoe is going to drop. No visit to the dr. in regards to a positive HPT has ended happily. Instead it's always been doom and gloom. Too low betas and declining numbers. Even the fact that I've had no spotting doesn't help to ease my mind. After all I'm on PIO, so its common to have declining numbers and not spot. Argh, stupid RPL. I know the worrying will do nothing to change the outcome and I'm so happy that I at least know a normal embryo can implant. Now, if only Sunday could get here faster. For those obsessive poas'ers I leave you with today's test on the bottom and 8dp5dt on the top.

8dp5dt

I'm at a conference right now and thousands of miles from home. I arrived yesterday and was completely sleep deprived. The turbulence was so bad on the way here that there were several times I was certain the plane was going to fall out of the sky. It was in that sleep deprived state that my co-worker took me to target last night to buy some pregnancy tests. I (being a constant poas'er) had brought along some internet cheapies. I've been getting what I've thought were evaps on them since yesterday---trust me they are super, super faint. So, just wanted to get this over with and have the ability to drown my sorrows in alcohol while at the conference. I picked up the target brand box next to the FRER's. This morning when I pulled them out instead of being pink dye they were blue. I remember reading blue are famous for their evaps. I'm hoping this isn't one of them. The test line was a line before the control line even popped up. According to the t.arget instructions that's all I'm looking for -- 2 lines. My internet cheapie also has a line. It's faint but it's pink. Did this seriously work for me? I'm a little in shock right now--I broke down when I saw the second line. It's so late in the game. Beta isn't until Sunday. Please send your positive thoughts my way.



Edited to add--Thanks for all the support! It is so very much appreciated. I'm hoping these lines continue to get darker and this is actually our sticky bfp. Because I couldn't stand not knowing if this was real or not, I went to buy some FRERs, pretty sure this is a bfp. (sorry for the poor quality photo all I have is my phone).

6dp5dt

And a glaringly white bfn this morning. I've never  had a bfp later then this, so I'm fairly certain this cycle was a bust. Disappointing but not really surprising. Especially considering the quality of the rest of my eggs. Beta won't be until Sunday now as I'm going out of town and my clinic doesn't want me to go to another lab. So, I get to continue injecting myself with PIO shots even though all I'm seeing is - poas tests. So, that's really quite annoying.
Mr. F and I have been talking a bit about next steps. At this point we're both fairly comfortable saying my eggs are out of the picture--unless our RE has some new information for us. So, we're trying to decide between donor eggs and donor embryos.  Neither of these will likely happen for another year as we're making a huge move at the end of the summer and we want to settle into our new home and jobs first. I've been doing a lot of research on cost, guarantees, etc. and there is an overwhelming amount of information. I had thought for sure that Mr. F would want to pursue donor egg first. However, after talking to him more about costs, second children, etc. he seems to be leaning towards donor embryo. If anyone readers have done either or researched either, I would appreciate your advice and comments. Thanks again for all your support.

One Good Embryo

That's the news I was greeted with at the REs office. One is better then none...but still disappointing when starting with so many. The CGH results were interesting. Only four of my embryos carried an unbalanced translocation. The others had various problems with other chromosomes. One thing we did learn is that my eggs are jacked. If this doesn't work we aren't going to do another cycle with my eggs. We will be moving straight to donor egg.
The embryo we transferred is of very high quality (exactly what it's graded I'm not sure). I was only told that it's an early stage blastocyst and that it looks beautiful. It's a girl. My first beta is on Tuesday.

Going Crazy....Waiting

So far, so good....there's been no phone call. However, my REs office has only been open for 20 minutes and I doubt they would have jumped immediately to my file and results of my chromosome testing. Every time my phone vibrates (I have a blackberry and get a lot of email so it vibrates a lot) I'm sure that it is the phone call of doom to tell me there were no good embryos. Dang, and I've been so zen up to this point. I've asked for no information and received no information---other than the initial fertilization results. Send some good thoughts up for me ladies. Really hoping I get to transfer something.

Fert Report Results

25 Eggs
21 Mature
19 Fertilized

Hooray! I have 19 embryos growing in the lab. I won't hear anything again from the clinic until Monday when they call to set up my transfer. I am able to call them if I want to check-in on the embryos but am thinking I don't want to do this. Too much stress worrying about the day to day results and what they mean. I'll either have embryos to transfer on Tuesday or I won't. Stressing about it all weekend isn't going to change the results. (I'm zen now but we will see how I'm feeling this weekend)!
Thanks for all your support thus far. It's been amazing.